How to Interview Older Relatives About Family History
Your older relatives are walking archives. They carry memories, stories, and knowledge that exist nowhere else — not in databases, not in census records, not in any document. When they're gone, that knowledge goes with them.
Interviewing older relatives about family history is the single most valuable thing you can do as a genealogist. It's also the most urgent. This guide shows you how to prepare, conduct, and preserve family history interviews that capture the stories only your relatives can tell.
Why Interviews Matter
Records tell you who your ancestors were — their names, dates, and addresses. Interviews tell you who they were as people — their personalities, struggles, triumphs, and the stories that defined them.
A census record tells you your grandmother was born in 1922. An interview tells you she was born during a snowstorm so heavy the midwife nearly didn't make it, that her father was away working in the mines, and that she was named after the doctor who delivered her.
That's the difference between data and history. For more on why stories matter alongside records, see our guide to writing your family history.
Before the Interview: Preparation
Choose Your Subject
Start with the oldest relatives, but don't overlook younger ones who may have spent significant time with grandparents or great-grandparents. Anyone who has family stories is a good interview subject.
Gather Background Information
Before the interview, research what you already know:
- Review your existing family tree
- Note gaps and questions that records can't answer
- Identify photographs the relative might be able to identify
- Prepare a list of people, places, and events to ask about
Prepare Your Questions
Write down 15-25 open-ended questions. Open-ended questions (ones that can't be answered with "yes" or "no") produce richer answers:
About their early life:
- What do you remember about your childhood home?
- What was your town like when you were growing up?
- What did you do for fun as a child?
- What school did you go to? What was it like?
About their parents and grandparents: 5. What do you remember about your grandparents? 6. What did your parents do for a living? 7. How did your parents meet? 8. What stories did your parents tell you about their own childhoods? 9. Where did your grandparents come from?
About family history: 10. How did the family come to live where they did? 11. Were there any family traditions you remember? 12. Were there any family legends or stories passed down? 13. Did anyone in the family serve in the military? 14. Did anyone in the family immigrate from another country? 15. Are there any old family photographs or documents you have?
About their life: 16. How did you meet your spouse? 17. What was your first job? 18. What was the most significant event in your life? 19. What do you want your grandchildren to know about you?
For more questions and a complete interview template, see our beginner's guide to starting a family tree, which includes a detailed interview question list.
Choose Your Equipment
- Audio recording — a smartphone with a voice memo app is sufficient. Test it before the interview.
- Video recording — optional but valuable. Seeing facial expressions and gestures adds depth. Phone video is fine.
- Notebook and pen — for jotting down follow-up questions and observations
- Old photographs — bring family photos to prompt memories
- Family tree printout — a visual reference helps orient the conversation
Get Permission
Always ask before recording. Explain that you want to preserve their stories for the family. Most people are happy to be recorded once they understand why.
During the Interview
Set the Scene
- Choose a quiet, comfortable location
- Minimize background noise (TV off, windows closed)
- Sit at the same level — don't stand over them
- Offer tea, coffee, or water
Build Rapport
Don't jump into the hardest questions first. Start with easy, pleasant topics:
- "Tell me about where you grew up"
- "What was your childhood home like?"
Let them warm up before asking about more emotional topics like loss, war, or family conflicts.
Listen More Than You Talk
Your job is to ask, then listen. Don't interrupt. Let silence happen — people often fill a pause with their best material. If they get emotional, let them. Don't rush to the next question.
Follow Up
When they mention something interesting, follow up:
- "Tell me more about that"
- "What happened next?"
- "How did that make you feel?"
- "Who else was there?"
The best stories often come from follow-up questions, not the prepared ones.
Use Photographs as Prompts
Show old family photos and ask:
- "Who is this?"
- "When was this taken?"
- "Where was this?"
- "What was happening when this was taken?"
Photographs unlock memories that questions alone can't reach.
Don't Correct Them
If a relative's memory differs from what you've found in records, don't correct them during the interview. Record what they say. You can verify later. Family lore is valuable even when it's not perfectly accurate — it tells you what the family chose to remember.
Record the Emotion
Notice what makes them laugh, what makes them tearful, what they're proud of. These emotional details bring your family history to life when you write it up later.
After the Interview
Save the Recording Immediately
- Back up the audio/video file to multiple locations
- Label it with the relative's name and date
- Save it in a format that will be readable in the future (MP3 for audio, MP4 for video)
Transcribe the Key Points
You don't need a full transcript, but note:
- Names, dates, and places mentioned
- Key stories
- New information you didn't know before
- Leads for further research
Follow Up
A single interview usually leads to more questions. Follow up with a phone call or email:
- "You mentioned your uncle Tom — do you remember his wife's name?"
- "After we talked, I found a census record showing Grandpa in Cleveland. Does that sound right?"
Add Stories to Your Workspace
Transfer the interview content to Ancello, where stories are linked directly to the people they're about. In Ancello, each ancestor can have narrative context alongside their factual record — so the stories from your interview become part of your family tree, not just a recording file on your computer.
For more on collaborative storytelling, see our collaborative family trees guide.
Handling Sensitive Topics
Family history isn't always happy. Be prepared for:
- Loss and grief — parents who died young, children who didn't survive, siblings lost in war
- Family conflicts — estrangements, feuds, divorces
- Difficult histories — poverty, imprisonment, prejudice, wartime experiences
Let your relative lead. If they don't want to talk about something, don't push. If they share something difficult, acknowledge it with respect. These stories are important, but they should be shared willingly.
FAQ
How do I record the interview?
A smartphone with a voice memo app is sufficient for audio. For video, use your phone's camera. Test your equipment before the interview, and always ask permission before recording. Back up the recording immediately afterward.
What if my relative doesn't want to be recorded?
Respect their wishes. Take notes instead. Some people open up more when there's no recorder in the room. You can still capture the key points by hand.
How long should the interview last?
Plan for 45-60 minutes. Longer sessions can be tiring for older relatives. It's better to do multiple shorter interviews than one marathon session. You can always follow up with another visit or phone call.
What if I live far from my relatives?
Conduct the interview by phone or video call. While in-person is ideal, a phone interview is far better than no interview at all. Video calls (Zoom, FaceTime, Skype) let you show photographs and see facial expressions.
How do I use the interview in my family history?
Transfer the stories to your family history workspace. In Ancello, you can link stories directly to the people they're about, so when a relative looks at an ancestor's profile, they see the narrative alongside the dates and sources. For more, see our how to write your family history guide.
What if the interview reveals information that contradicts records?
Record both versions. Family lore and official records sometimes disagree. Note the discrepancy and investigate further. The truth is often somewhere between the two. See our research guide for source verification.
Ready to capture your family's stories? Start a free family history workspace at Ancello →